But, I don't want a Monorail.

Check out the latest Monorail news in this week's City Life. I don't know about you, but if the Monorail tries to dig into my pocket for bailout money, I'm going to be a little ticked.

I swear, I had to deal with ridiculous traffic as they put up monolithic concrete pillars on Twain. I had to live in fear when monorail pieces were raining from the sky as I either walked or parked under it for four years. All while thinking, "Didn't the Simpsons already do this?"

They're saying that the economic downturn has led to less tourists and therefore less ridership. I can dig that, but you can't use it to cover up the fact that the Monorail has never been economically viable. Also, I seem to remember, when we first heard about the big monorail plans in high school that it would rely heavily on locals, who could park their cars in big secure lots and ride the Mono up and down the strip to and from work.

Do you know why Disneyland's monorail works so well? Because it goes from the Disneyland Hotel to Disneyland. If Las Vegas only had two places people wanted to go, it might have worked. As it stands, with stations set so far behind the strip that they're actually inconvenient, it's pretty much a joke.

One day, people will be wise enough to learn from pop fiction. Till then, see Marge Vs. The Monorail and Blaine the Mono.